Here is a story:
Once upon a time, Beard, Andrew and myself were on the way to the illustrious Wrightsville Beach, which as you know if you live here, boasts a very attractive population. While waiting in traffic, we saw it. The most impressive butt of all time. Think Kim Kardashian Break the Internet, only super fit, and significantly less grease. Henceforth, this girl became known as "The Ass". Disgusted with ourselves, we turned around, left the beach, shame-ate lunch at Bojangles and went to Topsail Beach to recover. (A Topsail 10 is like a Wrightsville 6). If you mention "The Ass" to anyone in attendance that day, they'll know. Never forget. #TheAss
Everyone knows Sunday is the Lord’s Day (Lord = Dionysus, god of wine. I didn’t even look that up. I knew that off the top of my head.) So what better way to worship than to get your Basic Bitch on!
Congratulations, you’ve really stuck with your New Year’s Resolution of going to the gym! You deserve a cake. But it has fruits and vegetables in it! It’s healthy! It’s only 350 calories per serving! (Let's disregard the fact that there’s 15 servings in this cake for the sake of our MyFitnessPal entries shall we?)